Rage against the Dining Section

Yes, I spent my morning darning a mitten while sitting next to a girl doing needlepoint, at the laundry mat. Somehow the most bourgeois of activities have become hip(ster). Well, we are brooklyn and that's how we roll.

But, really, do we roll this pretentious? In my heart I know we do. But, nonetheless, lets look at what is totally obnoxious about these people.

“Ten years ago all of these people hadn’t moved to Brooklyn yet,” she added, comparing Brooklyn today to Berkeley in the 1970s. "

Ahh, to be a pioneer.

From what I've gathered from Ruth Reichl, Berkeley in the 70's was about making recipes from Diet for a Small Planet edible and eating garbage to reduce human impact on the earth as much as it was about eating locally.

So what is the difference? One is using your trust fund to buy a warehouse and not working for a year while you reverse engineer a trade that people across the river are learning the traditional ways in French kitchens, one of the more self important behaviors of this city and the other is about the future of humans on this planet.

If you want to act like Martha Stewart, don't pretend that you are Harvey Milk. That's really all I'm asking.

Thanks, Regis

Who's the winner? I am! That's who!

There is the strangest phenomena a few blocks from me: a drive-thru bank in Park Slope. A parking lot is a big investment among high rent, low square-footage, fancy boutiques on a block of multi-million dollar brown stones. But nevertheless Commerce Bank, in their quest to be the most convenient, went for in car banking. Risky, but a parking lot in Brooklyn certainly gets your attention. I hear from a little policeanado birdie that Commerce Bank also takes big risks with their floor plans. Against all recommendations of the NYPD, the entryways are big and open and the windows are floor to ceiling.

In this banking climate it does not pay to take risks, and Commerce Bank has suddenly become TD bank. Those of you that live in international communities will know that stands for Toronto-Dominion Bank. Yes, it is happening, we are being invaded by Canada.

However, other than the name, it appears nothing has changed. They are still open on Sundays and they still have dog treats at the counter along with the lollipops. But, most importantly, they still have the Penny Arcade, the change counter. Some of you may remember the ads several years ago, before Julia Lewis Dreyfus broke the Seinfeld curse with "Old Christine", of her walking down the street with a purse full o' silver and cashing in at Commerce bank.

Well, Penny is awesome. She is a cartoon character that guides the packrat spendthrift through the process of putting coins in the machine while sorting out the garbage and valuables that may have been stored with the coins. Before the real fun begins, she prompts the depositor to guess how much coinage they have brought in to turn into real money. If your guess is within $1.99 of the combined total, you win a prize.

Well guess what? I won. I took in all the coins on my nightstand as well as the remnants of a pre-washingmachinecard roll of quarters. I guessed $32.45. Penny doesn't give the final count until all the change has been counted so I missed out on the suspense of see the numbers match up. But still, nothing uplifts a rainy day like winning something. The final count was $32.53. Woo Woo!

At the counter I exchanged my receipt for money.

Teller: How would you like this?
Me: In bills?

She gave me a twenty a ten and a few ones and coins and smiled. Then I asked for my prize.

Me: Look, I'm a winner
Teller: Would you like one of those plastic things you put money in?
Me: What?

She held up a plastic child's bank with the TD logo on it. I looked at that piece of landfill and said, no I did not want it. She gave me a look of silent agreement and shoved several packets of after-dinner mints and a magnet (shown above) at me.

Sometimes winning is its own reward.

Oh, and FYI, Regis and Kelly are all over the ads for TD bank.

It's never too early to start

This is just one of the many stories I live everyday where I help people and spread my love of coffee.


Overheard in the ladies' room

Woman in restroom: You OK in there, Melinda?
Voice in stall: Yeah, I just need a minute.
W: Well you think you could hurry it up. I didn't bring you all this way to New York so that you could sit in a restroom stall. You could have done that at home.
V: You know how it is. You know how I am.
W: You need to eat more fiber. There's not much fiber in chocolate covered pretzels.
V: Yeah, but they're good.
(At this point I am washing my reuseable coffee cup in the sink so that I can go and get my third cup of the day)
Me: (to the woman) you can always drink more coffee.
W: That works, but she's only ten.
Me: It's never too early to start.
W: (to me) She does like it. We try to keep it away from her. Well that's an idea.
(to the girl): You want to get one of those frappuccino things?
V: I want one.
W: Well you have to come out of the restroom.
V: Just a little more time.
W: We can always come back. Let's go get drinks, then we can come back later.

GFP's are wack

Last year a professor at Columbia won the Nobel Prize for adapting the Green Fluorescent Protein (GFP) naturally found in jellyfish for use as a genetic marker. It's pretty exciting, but maybe it wouldn't need to be mentioned every single week in my bio and orgo classes if he wasn't at Columbia.

But I just saw this photo and am blase no more. GFP's are wack! This is messed up. Look at those rats. Someone spliced their genes so that when their bodies make certain proteins they also make glow protein attached to the end. I look at these glowing rat babies and more and more life feels like a sci-fi. All I'm asking is: When are Jack and Chloe gonna show up?

Overheard in Brooklyn

No. 1) In Gorilla Coffee

Dude: I'd like a large, regular coffee.
Barista: You want one large and one regular coffee?
Dude: No, just one large coffee: regular.
Barista: And by regular you mean with milk and sugar?
Dude: Oh well I guess that is regular here, but I didn't think in here. I just meant I want a coffee, not a cappuccino or whatever.

No. 2) On a brownstone lined street

Lady with two five year old boys: There is a lot of frozen dog poop around here and now that it is warming up the dog poop isn't frozen anymore, and that means it will squish and if it squishes on anyone's shoe that will be a forty cent penalty and that penalty can be raised if I see fit.