The most disgusting thing I've ever seen live

After reading this you are all going to be thinking, "she doesn't blog in months and then she posts THIS! Disgusting."

This morning I was reminded of my friend Shirley's thoughts on parents: spending time with babies and dirty diapers makes parents act like children and make poop jokes that only they think are funny. I was reminded of this when my dog licked my cheek after eating her own poop and inadvertently smeared poop across my face. Then she went and smeared poop across my bed while I was scouring my face.

Some of you already knew that I have a dog that loves to eat poop, but that story was to get the rest of you up to date. That wasn't the most disgusting thing ever.

I was sitting in my back room writing thank you cards and Lady Bird walked in an puked a quart of the contents of her stomach all over the floor. Because she had been eating poop, her puke smelled like poop. While cleaning it up I almost puked. It was the most disgusting thing ever.

Then when I ran her outside to get the garbage can she ran onto my neighbor's lawn and had some pretty major diarrhea. This is a neighbor we don't get along with anyway, a neighbor who spends ten hours a day watering her lawn. I think that my dog has food poisoning.

I just made her a bowl of gatorade.